When a child looses a pet

When a child looses a pet

Helping children cope with the loss of a pet

The death of a family pet is often a child’s first experience with the loss of a beloved special friend and can be very difficult for the child. The loss provides an opportunity for parents to teach their children how to express their feelings of grief without shame or embarrassment and to cope with their emotions in a way that brings the experience to a healthy closure. These lessons may affect how the child responds to these situations later in life.

Key points to remember:

Do not wait for the one big “tell all” to begin helping children understand death. Do not be evasive and do not use misleading euphemisms. Both birth and death are parts of life and children are naturally curious about them.

Be honest and use accurate vocabulary as much as possible. Never tell a child that the pet was “put to sleep” or has “gone to sleep”, instead tell them that the pet “died” and it’s “dead”, much “like a flower or a leaf lives and dies.”

Understand that healing grief is a process, not an event. Grief is a profound feeling of sadness that is a natural reaction to the loss of what was dearly loved. Overcoming grief takes time.

Do not tell the child what to feel. The objective is to teach the child how to deal with what is felt by what you say and do. Explain that everyone has his or her own feelings about the pet and its loss.

The emotional reaction to the death of a pet is determined by the degree of involvement with the animal. Do not make the mistake of thinking children’s thoughts and feelings are or should be the same as yours.

Discover what each child is experiencing. Allow the child to communicate his or her personal grief experience; do not assume you already know.

Help the child to celebrate the life and good memories of the pet. Tour the photo album. Allow the child to cry when these stimulate sadness, and then encourage the child to laugh at the funny things. Both a good cry and a good laugh can be therapeutic. Make a claw paw impression to have as a keepsake.

Have a goodbye ceremony. When the pet is buried, reinforce the idea that the pet will contribute to new life. If the pet is cremated, mix the remains with wildflower seeds and scatter them in a special place. This helps children remember that life continues in some form.

Do not try to cover up the grieving process by getting a new pet too soon. Wait until the entire family is emotionally ready for a new pet. Emphasize to the children that the new pet is not a replacement for their departed special friend. There is no way to replace that loss and it is important for children to understand this point.

Helpful books especially for children:

Because of Flowers and Dancers, Brackenridge, S. 1994

Talking about Death: A dialogue Between Parent and Child, Grolman, E.A. 1990

When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn To Cope With Grief, Heegard, M. 1988

Mr. Rogers' First Experience: When a Pet Dies, Rogers, F. 1988

About Dying: An Open Family Book for Parent and Children Together, Stein, S.B. 1984

Oh, Where has My Pet Gone? A Pet Loss Memory Book, Sibbitt, S. 1991

Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping, Tousley, M. 1996

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, Viorst, J. 1971

I'll Always Love You, Wilhelm, H. 1985

The Cat Next Door, Wright, B.R. 1991

Greens Fork Animal Hospital

8089 State Road 38

Greens Fork, IN 47345

(765) 886-5191 or (765) 962-4389

	Do not wait for the one big “tell all” to begin helping children understand death. Do not be evasive and do not use misleading euphemisms. Both birth and death are parts of life and children are naturally curious about them.
	Be honest and use accurate vocabulary as much as possible. Never tell a child that the pet was “put to sleep” or has “gone to sleep”, instead tell them that the pet “died” and it’s “dead”, much “like a flower or a leaf lives and dies.”
	Understand that healing grief is a process, not an event. Grief is a profound feeling of sadness that is a natural reaction to the loss of what was dearly loved. Overcoming grief takes time.
	Do not tell the child what to feel. The objective is to teach the child how to deal with what is felt by what you say and do. Explain that everyone has his or her own feelings about the pet and its loss.
	The emotional reaction to the death of a pet is determined by the degree of involvement with the animal. Do not make the mistake of thinking children’s thoughts and feelings are or should be the same as yours.
	Discover what each child is experiencing. Allow the child to communicate his or her personal grief experience; do not assume you already know.
	Help the child to celebrate the life and good memories of the pet. Tour the photo album. Allow the child to cry when these stimulate sadness, and then encourage the child to laugh at the funny things. Both a good cry and a good laugh can be therapeutic. Make a claw paw impression to have as a keepsake.
	Have a goodbye ceremony. When the pet is buried, reinforce the idea that the pet will contribute to new life. If the pet is cremated, mix the remains with wildflower seeds and scatter them in a special place. This helps children remember that life continues in some form.
	Do not try to cover up the grieving process by getting a new pet too soon. Wait until the entire family is emotionally ready for a new pet. Emphasize to the children that the new pet is not a replacement for their departed special friend. There is no way to replace that loss and it is important for children to understand this point.